I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
