the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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