I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
