isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
