I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize