I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
