i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
