make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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