I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
