Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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