Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
