Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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