No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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