Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
