I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
