SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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