We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
