He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
