I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
