i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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