This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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