I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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