12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
