your parents love me but you hate me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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