she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
