I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
