no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
