I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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