So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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