Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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