If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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