so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize