if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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