I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
