Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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