i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
