HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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