i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
