One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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