Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
