And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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