I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
