He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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