guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
