I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
