ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
