it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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