but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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