the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
