I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
