She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
