I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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