He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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