she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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