I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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