Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
