we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
