On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
