omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
